Beyond Duality: Embracing Complexity, Connection, and the Layers of Being

Unpopular opinion, but the world, and people in general, tend to assess situations with this need to place everything into neat boxes. It’s always about having two jars—something is good, something is bad, someone is the victim, someone is the villain. This need to label and categorize everything, then selectively gather evidence to support that decision, leads to judgment and worse than that. And not only that, people feel the need to rally others to agree with them. This way of thinking is rooted in society’s conditioning. For many reasons, people want to compartmentalize things, and then they’ll argue and fight to make sure everyone agrees with where they’ve placed things. But this is a very unhealthy approach to life. It’s what underpins wars, disagreements, pain, and suffering. If we could remove this divisive thinking—this need to assign everything to a rigid duality—we would eliminate so much conflict.

People hold onto the idea of duality, but the truth is, we left that behind a long time ago. We're not just one thing or the other. You can be a person, a soul, and a spark of light from God all at once. You can be ascending and regressing, expanding and simplifying. The world is more than just good or bad—it’s complex layers of everything, intertwined. Holding onto the idea that we’re in a dualistic world is part of the difficulty for many. Social conditioning prevents people from letting go of these ways of seeing the world. The concept of oneness and unity is too much for some to comprehend, and I think we need to park that idea for now. It’s become a New Age term, and like “manifestation” and a few other terms, it’s an unhelpful way of looking at things. Instead, why don’t we start seeing things differently? We need to park these ideas of good and bad, right and wrong, victim and villain. Things aren’t either/or, they’re both. For example, a person can be a victim, and at the same time, they can also be acting badly to survive. Both can be true at once. This binary judgment isn’t serving us anymore, and I think our language will begin to change to reflect that. It’s not just either/or—it’s “and” and both. Things are far more complex than that. Everything exists in multiple layers, and nothing fits neatly into these simple categories. You can be intelligent and foolish, beautiful and ugly, conscious and confused—all at the same time. We need to move away from this limiting way of thinking and start embracing the complexity of things. Correct yourself when you catch yourself reverting back to this simplified mindset.

You see this divisiveness in how we talk about gender, how we label mums, dads, children, or other roles in society. People tend to get caught up in labels and binary language, but we’ve already moved into unity and oneness, even if society hasn’t fully recognized it yet. Our language needs to evolve to reflect this change, to stop reducing people to such limited categories. We often use language that tries to simplify things, especially when we’re feeling passionate, heated, offended, or hurt. It’s in these moments that we might start generalizing or blaming, whether it’s targeting a specific race, gender, or group. But when we actually take the time to discuss these feelings in more detail, we often realize that the one thing we’re upset or offended by isn’t limited to that group—it could apply to a whole range of people and situations. This is where we need to catch ourselves. Using divisive language, in these cases, isn’t accurate or helpful. It simplifies the complexity of people’s experiences and distorts the truth of what’s really going on.

Earlier, I mentioned that we should park the concept of oneness. However, in order for me to fully explain this idea, I need to use language that reflects oneness and unity. It’s the best way for me to express what I’m trying to communicate. For example, when I’m the better version of myself—the version I’ve worked hard to evolve into—my language naturally becomes more inclusive of this oneness. When people say things like, “men do this” or “women do that,” I always try to correct it by saying, “some people do this, some people do that, and sometimes, we all do that.” It's about recognizing that everything is connected, and that nothing can be simplified into neat labels. Life, and people, are far more complex than that. Everything is "and," everything is "both," and there’s always more than meets the eye. We need to move away from the divisive language that oversimplifies the world and traps us in binary thinking. It’s important to catch ourselves when we slip into this old mindset and to correct ourselves when we do. By embracing the full complexity of things, we start to see that life is layered, and no one experience or behaviour belongs to just one group or label. It’s all of it—it’s this, it’s that, it’s everything, and more.

If I’m being honest, I’ve noticed both myself and others reverting back to earlier versions of ourselves. We’ve been going through an incredible period of growth, but with that, many of us have been relentlessly triggered, causing us to fall back into survival mode. These earlier versions of ourselves aren’t always the most pleasant. I’ve gone through stages recently where I just don’t enjoy the person I’ve reverted back to. It’s been a period of intense growth, but also intense triggers and I haven’t always liked the person I become in those moments. Survival mode can bring out the ugliest versions of ourselves. But when I’m in a better version of myself—the version I’ve worked hard to evolve into—my language is more inclusive of the oneness I believe in. Now, when I talk about oneness, it's not necessarily the idea that we are all part of 'the one' that I'm referring to here. It's more about how everything is merged into a single concept. Instead, it's a way of acknowledging that within this oneness, all of the complexities, contradictions, and layers of who we are coexist simultaneously. It encapsulates the idea that we can be many things at once—light and dark, human and divine, ascending and regressing, healing and triggered. This word 'oneness' may shift and evolve as we continue to understand what these transformations really mean, expanding to capture the full depth of these layers and the interconnectedness they represent.  The divisive language, the gender wars, this person versus that person—it’s all part of this need to compartmentalize and simplify, but nothing and no one is that simple. It’s just not possible. Everything is complex. It’s more than just this or that. It’s layers upon layers of complexity. We must stop trying to fit ourselves and others into neat boxes, labeled with tidy little explanations. 

When I think about how we use language, I also reflect on how exciting it is to learn another language. You discover the beautiful ways that different communities express themselves, which are often so different from how you express yourself. Travelling to different countries and listening to how even the same words can be used in unique ways is eye-opening. You realize how limiting your own way of thinking and expressing yourself can be, based on where you’re from. For example, I grew up in Australia in the 80s and 90s, and back then, our use of language and emotional intelligence was incredibly primitive. It wasn’t something that was taught; it’s something I’ve had to learn and evolve in as I got older. I’ve learned so much through travelling, through life experiences, and especially through being a mother. My son is my greatest teacher. All of these things have opened up my awareness and helped me see how deeply social conditioning and language shape our thoughts and emotions. This is changing now. Our perceptions, feelings, and the ways we understand the world are expanding, but our language hasn’t quite caught up yet. We need to be conscious of catching ourselves when we fall back into old, conditioned ways of thinking. These patterns are deeply ingrained, but we know they’re no longer true. It’s about correcting ourselves when we revert to outdated mindsets and staying aware when we slip back into subconscious habits.

A lot of things seem to be changing, and one of them, which I’m experiencing myself and hearing from others, is amnesia. This amnesia we’re experiencing is quite interesting. I experience it in a couple of different ways. First, I’m going through perimenopause, and the hormonal changes are really affecting my mind. It can make it difficult sometimes to remember things. But secondly—and this is really important—I live deeply in the present. Actually, it’s more than just being present. I’m fully alive in the moment, connected, feeling, and engaged in every aspect of it. I’m not just observing life; I’m part of it. I’m passionate and involved in each minute, and I love that feeling. It’s not just being present in an observational way; it’s about being deeply connected to everything happening right now. In this state, I’m also connected to my unseen support team, constantly receiving guidance. If I don’t remember something they’ve told me, it’s because I’m not meant to. I only need to know what I’m being told in that moment. There’s no need to accumulate or hold onto vast amounts of information because I trust that I’ll receive the guidance I need when the time is right. Now, I’m fine with not remembering everything because it allows me to be fully alive in the present. I’m not tied to one version of myself, past or future. Instead, I’m connected to all versions at once, trusting that whatever I need will come when the time is right. I love that I can live so connected in the moment without the burden of having to carry all the details of the past.

This ties into the concept of attachment. In detachment, we realize that duality—the need to assign good or bad, right or wrong—no longer has a hold on us. We become free to experience life fully, without the need to label or define every moment. I’ve gone through a phase of detachment from my life, and I believe it was necessary for me to truly appreciate it. That detachment allowed me to see my world and my relationships in a completely new light. Now, I don’t feel attached in the way I used to. Attachment creates need and need leads to dependence. But when you remove attachment, it opens up space for freedom, love, and joy. You begin to enjoy relationships and connections in a more expansive way because you’re no longer weighed down by the need for them to fulfill certain roles. This idea of attachment doesn’t only apply to human relationships. We are in relationship to everything—our environment, our experiences, our inner selves. And when you’re not attached to outcomes or expectations, it allows you to experience life with much more openness and wonder. That’s what I’ve come to love about where I am now: I feel an enormous amount of love and passion for the things in my life, but it’s not tied to attachment. It’s a deeper, more expansive connection.

While I do feel connected to a sense of oneness at times, especially when I’m centered and at peace, it’s not the full picture. There’s something more, and I’m not sure we have the language for it yet. I suspect that as we continue to evolve, new words and ways of expressing this will emerge. Perhaps other cultures already have the language for what we’re experiencing, and once we become aware of it, we’ll adopt it because it will perfectly express what we’ve been feeling. This shift is happening globally, and as we continue to ask for understanding, I believe the universe will present new ways for us to describe and embrace this transformation. It’s all part of the incredible journey we’re on—learning to live more fully, more freely, and with a deeper connection to everything around us.